The Wall

People are strange. And more than being bothered by their strangeness, it amuses me. Lately, I, as a person have discovered a holistic more wholesome approach to spending my life. I have learned to be alone, and I have learned to enjoy that. Life is unkind and I have been treated in an unkind way. I have regressed my functions so that they involve least contact with the civilized society and I have regressed behind what I term a metaphorical wall. Here behind my wall, things are comfortable. There is least human contact which serves me with almost no sufferable pain. I do things, only those things which please me, in a ruthless, heartless way. I am selfish. I feel full of potential to fathom my dreams.  Human contact in majority of cases only serves one purpose: to hinder the person in realizing and reaching  their true potential. It clouds their minds. Hiding their dreams behind murky clouds of self doubt, confusion, pain and happiness. One can only reach their true potential when one is behind walls like mine. Being at your full potential is momentously joyous. You feel unbeatable, remarkable, inspired meant for and capable of taking upon legendary ambitions that were just till then figments of your mind. Having said all that, I have to say that at certain points your emotional being fights back. The idea that you need people in your life to somehow be better off is so deep rooted in our subconscious that you eventually do question these self inflicted states of isolation, you, at moments long for some kind of contact. This longing is something that I find rather incomprehensible. You think of things, people, the circumstances that led you to this place. You don't completely lose track of those. You mull over them and sometimes may even suffer the same pain again. You cry till your eyes sting on sleepless nights. You miss the person that you fell in this dark trench for, you think of what could have been and what was. And yet this state is better than that constant state of falling deeper and deeper into unknown territory, no man's land. At least behind my wall I have some form of control. If nothing I can bask in the shadow of yesterday's good memories. I am still learning to live behind a wall, and I think my incomprehensible longings and needs are just that. I believe in my wall and that someday I will completely lose track of these human longings, and then me and my wall would exist in truest of senses. And that it would be better than just being lost in the maze of people, society, their opinions of you. If this is madness. I wish to embrace insanity. Like I have embraced no other entity.  I also sometimes pity people around me for being lost in these mazes. I see them for the hapless, naïve and dumb beings they are choosing to be. I try to help them. But a advice is as vain a prospect as seeing dark clouds and hoping it won't rain. People only hear what they want to hear. Always end up doing what they wished to anyway. I am no different to that either. But I wish for someone sometimes to break on through to this other side of living that I have discovered. A little foreign perspective might help me to prove or disprove this theory in its entirety. Maybe I need that.